You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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