you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
