Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
