i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
