It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
