I wish I could teleport
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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