He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
