You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And then my night got REAL pukey
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
