How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
