So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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