i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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