i was born a porn star she said
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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