I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
