Just cropdusted the office
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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