11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
