Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Found the puke drawer
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
