Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
