Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
