addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
