i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
