Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
