im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
