shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
