nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
