I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My liver just broke up with me...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
