you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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