My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
