I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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