What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
