Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize