my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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