I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
