You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
