New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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