You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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