just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
