Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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