plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
