I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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