Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
