You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You are the jesus of drinking
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
