I wanna bring you to show and tell
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
