Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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