And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
