so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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