...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm both gender and math confused
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
