And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
