I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
