So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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