FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
