Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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