Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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