Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
