Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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