She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
