I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
