he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
