do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This toilet bowl is my home.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
