Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
