I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
