I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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