The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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