then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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