announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
