im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
