some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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