I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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