I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
