You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
